OK people something in my life has to change and I need your support if you are willing. This is me on my birthday, April 11Th. I thought I looked good. HA! I am so mad at myself for allowing this to happen. I should have grabbed that camera out of my hubby's hand and banned all pictures! No, JK it is the weight that I am upset about. I am tired of sorting through all my pictures and leaving out any that have me in them because of the fattiness. My children will someday say, YES we had a mom and she was good to us (I hope that's what they say Kids if you are reading you had better say when your grown that you had a good mom!! GOT IT! LOL! ) but we have no proof because she was a phantom mom. Never seen in any pictures. You know the type who's images are never captured on film. We all know that when we look at a photogs portfolio there is never a fat mama in it and I don't want to be taking up the whole shot with little heads poking out all around me!! Sadly we haven't had a true family picture taken in 6 years-ish. How sad is that? I would love for them (and you for that matter) to see the love I have for them in my eyes. I actually have the pictures but vowed they would never ever be seen. I hope as I begin my weight loss journey I will be able to let the "before" pictures surface because it will, at that point, be the past and not the present. My blood pressure is super high and I mean HIGH without 2 medications. We are talking 244/120 high. I found that out the week of Thanksgiving and had to beg the doc not to put me in the hospital. Looking back maybe it would have been better for me. I might have received help for my problem other than just BP drugs. I need to lose a huge amount of weight and it feels like I have a mountain on top of me that I will have to shovel and push it off all by myself. (someday soon I want to be able to use the actual numbers I need to lose and how much I weigh but for now I am ashamed and scared to put it out there.) You never know if that certain mean person (we all have one in our lives don't we?) who is going to ridicule me, most likely behind my back, will read and get perfect ammo. Obviously I have a way to go yet. My plan it to post regularly hopefully daily. I have invested in a Body Bugg. (to arrive soon) I have tried a bunch of different plans and this will allow me to use the best parts of all of them. Plus I have an awesome friend who has had some noticeable success with it. As I keep in touch with her through blogs I have noticed her at this point I would say down right getting tiny and finally ran in to her and asked what she was doing because she looks great! I might also add that it is not one of those if she can do it I can do it things because she is amazing and I believe she could conquer the world! Her strength goes way beyond mine but it is just nice to see a real person that I know have something really work. To see it with my own eyes is inspiring. Thank you! You know who you are! I know that activity is key and plan on making it a part of my life also. Although I am almost always tired so the activity is a challenge but I can do it. Even if I have to start small.
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